I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
