Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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