I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
