i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
