Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
