I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
