omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
