I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
