ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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