Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
