I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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