best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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