You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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