I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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