my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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