halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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