For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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