I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
