spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
