Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
