Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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