R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
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