i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
