I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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