she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
