Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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