Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
