it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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