In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
