If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
