I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
