I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
