went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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