Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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