A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
