Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
