They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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