id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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