Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
