I wish my penis had an off switch
one two three fourrrrnication!
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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