Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
