I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
