No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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