i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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