I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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