Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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