girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He better not be in your backpack
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
