Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
