You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
