i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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