what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
