You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
