i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
