Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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