I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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