Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
