Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
