Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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