Soap is not a condiment
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
