Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
she peed on how many people?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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