I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
