hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
