You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
