dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
