we made out on top of his cat.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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