I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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