So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
