I wish I only lived at night.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
