break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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