The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
