im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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