So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
