Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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