mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
