So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
