I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
