Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
