Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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